(Domestic) Violence

So I am sharing another poem based off the post I shared on my other blog. My posts over there are starting to correspond to poems I have previously written, and I think that is super cool because my poems are a true reflection of my emotions. Some are good, some are even bad, but they all tell my story in some way or another.

Violence

So he flipped again

And I got in his face

He pushed me backwards

And I fell

When I rose

I swung

As hard as I could

And busted his eye

Again, with the palm of his fist

I tumbled down and

Cracked my eye on the coffee stand.

Again 3 or 4 more times

His palms pounded into my flesh

Landing me on the ground

And into the couch and in table

A push and a punch

To me then to him

And I was beaten

Without fists just the inside of his hands

I woke this morning

In so much pain

So many bruises

And a swollen black eye.

So many sore spots

I feel the pain of his hands

My glasses are broken

And I found a hand full of hair.

My lighter and phone, nowhere here

All over a pill I didn't want to share.

My left ankle hurts and is slightly swollen

My inner left thigh is bruised blue

My right jaw is puffy with pain

My right eye is totally black n blue

And swollen too

My throat, mainly the front and right

Is definitely bruised on the inside

My left collar bone is scratched and sore

My right thumb is black and bruised

That will remain a mystery

Random small bruises on my legs

And of course from the one punch I threw

My right hand knuckles are swollen and sore

Which gives me satisfaction knowing

I hit that mother fucker as hard as I should've

All because of drinking

All because of drugs

All because I'm psycho

And deemed incapable of real love.

The last few statement of this writing are not true, it is only what I was thinking at the moment. I thought it was my fault, he made me think that. It was not my fault in any way except that we both shared responsibility for the argument. I did not deserve this and one thing for sure is I ended what I had with him. Get away at the first sign of violence and save your life. Because you deserve to live without violence of any kind. Please visit Reprogramming The Mind!

Passing By

Passing Bye

I saw you walking bye

I saw the twinkle in your eye

And your dimpled cheeks

When I told you high

I miss you, you miss me

I can see it in your eyes

Please quit telling me lies

Unfortunately we only said hello

I know, we both see "caution" flashing yellow

I wanted so badly

To grab and to hold you

Instead you said hello

And then good bye

And I

Saw the twinkle in your eye

Then my heart stopped beating

Please, come back and see me

07312013

I chose this poem today because the day I wrote this and just the other day someone special from my past appeared into my life at least for that moment but I'm hoping it's forever one day.

I Hate It

OK today I am posting a poem I never intended to share with anyone but this week in therapy I had to focus on what I hate about myself and others. You can find a very inspirational blog post at www.jasminerayne.blogspot.com and learn what my assets and liabilities are and what I have come to do about them.

http://musingindigo.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/why-do-we-hate-something-or-someone/

I Hate It

I hate that I'm not appreciated

I hate that I must say this time and time again

I hate that you don't call

When you say you will

I hate that I'm not cool enough for you

And I hate that you laugh behind my back

At the little things I do for you

I hate that I'm single

I hate that I'm not

I hate your other girlfriend

I hate that she's hot

I hate that you're a cheater

A liar and a thief

I hate that you still love me every other week

I hate not seeing your smile

When I awake late at night

I hate that I screwed up

And it ended in a fight

I hate that you called me in the middle of my rhyme

Because now I can't think straight

It happens every time

I hate that I want you

In every single way

I hate thinking of you

Every minute of the day

I hate that I haven't replaced you

Because I'm to judgmental

Of all who come my way?

And most of all

I hate that I must decide and say

That my hate for you

Must go away

I hate it through and through

But you must leave me alone

So I can find peace and love for another such as me.

BROKEN GLASS

Image Src: http://www.tutoriallounge.com/2012/10/increase-text-appearance-using-photoshop-cs6-text-effect-tutorials/

My flip flops swishing

                under my feet

I sweep up the glass

                and take it to the trash

I walk back into the room

                and wonder

How I took it this far

I'm frustrated

                but

Broken glass, spilt water

And knocked over electronics

Doesn't help me at all

I hurry to salvage

Perishable things

Then leave my home quickly

I cannot stay

Screaming and heaving

Over what does not go my way

Sit, Beside Me

Sit, Beside Me

Sitting here

Waiting, willing, wanting

For you to sit here to

Wondering what to say

To the man sitting next to me

I want him to leave

And you to sit

Beside me

But I told him we'd hang out

Because I didn't know how to ask you

Before he asked me

Now I'm stuck sitting here

Stuck somewhere between

Two friends, feeling confused

Because one wants me

But I want the other

Sitting here quiet and shy

Hoping you take the seat

Beside me

08022013

Confusion

Confusion

Feelings fused together
Racing throughout your veins
Controlling your thoughts
Telling you to act based on your emotions

Confusion

Spontanious decisions
You may later regret
Maybe a decision you never forget
And later wonder
What might have been

Confusion

Flooding this brain
Flattening it with a train
Step out of your comfort zone
Take a chance, any chance
And see what may become

Confusion

08022013

Caring

Caring

I watch them and they seem like they care

They share secrets and smiles and tears

Filling each other’s ears

And everything thing else they need to do

To be friendly

I want to be there but I can’t

I can see that they’re fake

And there’s no way they can care

Because I can’t even feel

It’s nothing but lies

I see it in their eyes

5/30/13