(Domestic) Violence

So I am sharing another poem based off the post I shared on my other blog. My posts over there are starting to correspond to poems I have previously written, and I think that is super cool because my poems are a true reflection of my emotions. Some are good, some are even bad, but they all tell my story in some way or another.

Violence

So he flipped again

And I got in his face

He pushed me backwards

And I fell

When I rose

I swung

As hard as I could

And busted his eye

Again, with the palm of his fist

I tumbled down and

Cracked my eye on the coffee stand.

Again 3 or 4 more times

His palms pounded into my flesh

Landing me on the ground

And into the couch and in table

A push and a punch

To me then to him

And I was beaten

Without fists just the inside of his hands

I woke this morning

In so much pain

So many bruises

And a swollen black eye.

So many sore spots

I feel the pain of his hands

My glasses are broken

And I found a hand full of hair.

My lighter and phone, nowhere here

All over a pill I didn't want to share.

My left ankle hurts and is slightly swollen

My inner left thigh is bruised blue

My right jaw is puffy with pain

My right eye is totally black n blue

And swollen too

My throat, mainly the front and right

Is definitely bruised on the inside

My left collar bone is scratched and sore

My right thumb is black and bruised

That will remain a mystery

Random small bruises on my legs

And of course from the one punch I threw

My right hand knuckles are swollen and sore

Which gives me satisfaction knowing

I hit that mother fucker as hard as I should've

All because of drinking

All because of drugs

All because I'm psycho

And deemed incapable of real love.

The last few statement of this writing are not true, it is only what I was thinking at the moment. I thought it was my fault, he made me think that. It was not my fault in any way except that we both shared responsibility for the argument. I did not deserve this and one thing for sure is I ended what I had with him. Get away at the first sign of violence and save your life. Because you deserve to live without violence of any kind. Please visit Reprogramming The Mind!

Passing By

Passing Bye

I saw you walking bye

I saw the twinkle in your eye

And your dimpled cheeks

When I told you high

I miss you, you miss me

I can see it in your eyes

Please quit telling me lies

Unfortunately we only said hello

I know, we both see "caution" flashing yellow

I wanted so badly

To grab and to hold you

Instead you said hello

And then good bye

And I

Saw the twinkle in your eye

Then my heart stopped beating

Please, come back and see me

07312013

I chose this poem today because the day I wrote this and just the other day someone special from my past appeared into my life at least for that moment but I'm hoping it's forever one day.

I Hate It

OK today I am posting a poem I never intended to share with anyone but this week in therapy I had to focus on what I hate about myself and others. You can find a very inspirational blog post at www.jasminerayne.blogspot.com and learn what my assets and liabilities are and what I have come to do about them.

http://musingindigo.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/why-do-we-hate-something-or-someone/

I Hate It

I hate that I'm not appreciated

I hate that I must say this time and time again

I hate that you don't call

When you say you will

I hate that I'm not cool enough for you

And I hate that you laugh behind my back

At the little things I do for you

I hate that I'm single

I hate that I'm not

I hate your other girlfriend

I hate that she's hot

I hate that you're a cheater

A liar and a thief

I hate that you still love me every other week

I hate not seeing your smile

When I awake late at night

I hate that I screwed up

And it ended in a fight

I hate that you called me in the middle of my rhyme

Because now I can't think straight

It happens every time

I hate that I want you

In every single way

I hate thinking of you

Every minute of the day

I hate that I haven't replaced you

Because I'm to judgmental

Of all who come my way?

And most of all

I hate that I must decide and say

That my hate for you

Must go away

I hate it through and through

But you must leave me alone

So I can find peace and love for another such as me.

BROKEN GLASS

Image Src: http://www.tutoriallounge.com/2012/10/increase-text-appearance-using-photoshop-cs6-text-effect-tutorials/

My flip flops swishing

                under my feet

I sweep up the glass

                and take it to the trash

I walk back into the room

                and wonder

How I took it this far

I'm frustrated

                but

Broken glass, spilt water

And knocked over electronics

Doesn't help me at all

I hurry to salvage

Perishable things

Then leave my home quickly

I cannot stay

Screaming and heaving

Over what does not go my way

Sit, Beside Me

Sit, Beside Me

Sitting here

Waiting, willing, wanting

For you to sit here to

Wondering what to say

To the man sitting next to me

I want him to leave

And you to sit

Beside me

But I told him we'd hang out

Because I didn't know how to ask you

Before he asked me

Now I'm stuck sitting here

Stuck somewhere between

Two friends, feeling confused

Because one wants me

But I want the other

Sitting here quiet and shy

Hoping you take the seat

Beside me

08022013

Confusion

Confusion

Feelings fused together
Racing throughout your veins
Controlling your thoughts
Telling you to act based on your emotions

Confusion

Spontanious decisions
You may later regret
Maybe a decision you never forget
And later wonder
What might have been

Confusion

Flooding this brain
Flattening it with a train
Step out of your comfort zone
Take a chance, any chance
And see what may become

Confusion

08022013

Caring

Caring

I watch them and they seem like they care

They share secrets and smiles and tears

Filling each other’s ears

And everything thing else they need to do

To be friendly

I want to be there but I can’t

I can see that they’re fake

And there’s no way they can care

Because I can’t even feel

It’s nothing but lies

I see it in their eyes

5/30/13

Obsession

obsession

               the fear you will die

               if something is not done

mine aren't bad

               not until start adding new ones

               every day single day

obsession

               then grows out of control

obsession

               is the control

               clinching hold of your thoughts

mine aren't bad

               racing thoughts should stop

               just ought not be on a single one

obsession

just something I wish I did not have

I wrote this last night because I feel like I'm losing control of the balance in my life.

Thank you for reading. Please follow my blog and leave your insights. Thank you, blessings.

Forgiveness

Today I am going to share...

Forgiveness

sadness kicks into overdrive

as I realize what you think of me

caught up in my addiction

I never had the chance to see

what it is you had against me

now my head has cleared

and the doors have been unlatched

but still the old me is all you see

I forgave you

but you haven't forgiven me

now I can see

your dislike of me

clearly had nothing to do with me

you choose to harbor

old resentments

and silly grudges

if you took at deep look

like I have

you'd see for yourself

that it's all in

your mind and soul

you just need to allow

yourself to grow

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Marriages and Suicides

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Marriages and Suicides

Marriages and Suicides

I swear go hand in hand

Love affairs and Homicide

I swear are the perfect pair

You give your life

Then take mine

Nothing but dreams

Scattered beneath me

I gave myself

You took me

Only to change me

Into who you wanted me to be

I became your wife

Then took your life

Now I'm left here

With a dream, of finding me

Will I ever know

Will I ever see

Will I ever again

Become the real me?

© 2013, J.Valenzuela

I'm Back and Ready to Write

A few months ago I was going to start this blog and blog once a week. Well honestly I have just began to write poetry again after about 12 years of not doing it. And I didn't go where I had planned to go and I may not right now either but I do have quiet a collection all from this year. So with that I am going to begin, again. I was having difficulty deciding if I should have 2 seperate blogs or not and I have decided that I will post my "Magical Writings" here and then a short post with a link on my Reprogramming the Mind blog. So please if you like both, follow both. I have an introduction on this one from last year sometime but I think I will take it down as things have changed. So this is the new intro and it comes after the only poem I did post, "Reborn". I guess you could say that truly happened as I have begun an even better path on life. Now with that most of what you read here is going to be dark. That's just how I write, the exceptions are mostly going to be anything I believe is good that I did based on a writing prompt. I started them 3 days ago so let me get off here and get started on sharing.

I Am Reborn

This kind of just came to me. I'm guessing all the wonderful techniques I have been using to open my mind to positive thinking has opened my heart to much deeper feelings. I haven't shared anything yet because most of my writings seem to personal and all need edited but I did my best to get this out, so here it is.

Thanks for reading. Please follow and/or comment.
And check out my personal inspiration blog at Reprogramming The Mind.

REBORN

I try to hold on

I attempt to give it my all

Every time it doesn't work out

Death comes

To swallow me whole

Sadness evades

My mind caves

Devilish thoughts

My soul thinks

My body stinks

Of sweat and fear

Your let downs

Produce rivers of tears

I'm falling

Slipping into the abyss

Drowning

In blood filled tears

Just waiting

Wishing

Willing

You too come

Save me before I fall

Into the devil's wasteland

As my knees buckle

And my torso gives out

My spine feels the coldness

Of the splash on my back

And I embrace the timing

Of my wretched death

And I feel a touch

A strong arm beneath me

Pulling me upward

Saving me from the bloody seas

Of sin and despair

I feel a breath of life

As your arms wrap around me

Instant happiness, faith filled grace

And I turn my head towards you

But there is nothing

Only a breath of air

You will never save me

You were never there

It was the Lady of the earth

It was the Lord of the skies

They gave me more than you ever could

More than you ever would

Another chance at life

A chance of freedom

I see that I wanted you

But gratefully I found the only one

That will never leave me

Drowning

In my own blood

Peace fills my mind

Serenity fills my soul

And I see that

Without you

I have been reborn.